sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
When did angry sex become our thing?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
