Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
