Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
