Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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