as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
