we have officially lost it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
