So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
