im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Acid is not a monday night drug
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Randomize
