My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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