Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
