Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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