dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
