I wish I could punch you in the face.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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