Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
