put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
