I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
