Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
