Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
