Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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