THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
