You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
