dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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