Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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