dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
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