Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We named our party play list daddy issues
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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