so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
