Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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