You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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