i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
