I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
