I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
