I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
