she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
