I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm always down for nudity.
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