Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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