I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
