haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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