I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
