you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
