Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
