the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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