cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Semen is not good for contacts.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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