we have pet lesbian snakes
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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