It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
