I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He shit in the fireplace
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
