I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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