Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
