When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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