I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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