There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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