Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
