Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
