The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
