put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
