Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
