i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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