Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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