I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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